I not being very productive at the moment. Other than my hair growth to a length that has not been since the early '90s. I have nothing to show. My Python learning is, well non-existent. If I was to go for an interview and they were to ask me to even do a simple piece of code. I would have an extensional breakdown as I did in my maths O grade exam when I was in high school. I have always had a rather fractious relationship with numbers and maths. I could never wrap my head around even the simplest of equations. The result was, as you can imagine, not doing at well in maths class.
In those days, classes for those who were not good at maths/arithmetic were terrible. Full of kids with learning difficulties. Hooligans who were waiting to be 16 so they could escape the school. Most of the teachers in turn were either one drink away from being alcoholics. Worse still indifferent to our mental suffering. Not being able to do long division in our teenage heads was not their concern. I did not help myself by thinking, "why to bother this is never going to go in my head" and so did very little studying. When it came to the exam at the end of the year I found myself sitting in the exam room, surrounded by the eager clever kids. I looked at the exam paper and my mental capabilities, dissolved. I could feel my brain leaking out through my ears. At that moment I discovered the true meaning of breaking out into a "Cold Sweat".
The exam paper turned in some strange alien language. It all looked gibberish. I tried a few of the easier questions even then I began to doubt what answers I had written down and went back to re-do them. I did not finish all the questions and my answer sheet that cave people would have scoffed at. It was the worst hour and half of my then young life.
I have finished The Diary Of the Bookseller. Very funny book. It did make me want to work in the bookshop. I am now reading Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie. High tech AI Sci Fi very much in the mold of I M Banks. Not a bad thing!
In those days, classes for those who were not good at maths/arithmetic were terrible. Full of kids with learning difficulties. Hooligans who were waiting to be 16 so they could escape the school. Most of the teachers in turn were either one drink away from being alcoholics. Worse still indifferent to our mental suffering. Not being able to do long division in our teenage heads was not their concern. I did not help myself by thinking, "why to bother this is never going to go in my head" and so did very little studying. When it came to the exam at the end of the year I found myself sitting in the exam room, surrounded by the eager clever kids. I looked at the exam paper and my mental capabilities, dissolved. I could feel my brain leaking out through my ears. At that moment I discovered the true meaning of breaking out into a "Cold Sweat".
The exam paper turned in some strange alien language. It all looked gibberish. I tried a few of the easier questions even then I began to doubt what answers I had written down and went back to re-do them. I did not finish all the questions and my answer sheet that cave people would have scoffed at. It was the worst hour and half of my then young life.
During the summer holidays, the exam results came, my humiliation was complete. I was doing a summer job at the local paper mill that my dad worked at. I had my mother read out the results over the phone in his office. Almost all my results were failures. My mother read out all the results but I did not hear anything about Maths or Arithmetic. My mother told me "They are not there". It meant that my grade was so bad they had not even bothered putting on paper! It traumatised me and I do not think I have recovered from that day. To this day I still have a fear of any type of mathematical equations. Yes, this does sound irrational. It is though one reason that I am such a poor student and being so unproductive.
I have finished The Diary Of the Bookseller. Very funny book. It did make me want to work in the bookshop. I am now reading Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie. High tech AI Sci Fi very much in the mold of I M Banks. Not a bad thing!
Stay Safe and Stay Cool.
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